Confidence is just a behaviour. The feelings we have associated with low confidence are often a reflection of low self esteem and the evaluations we place on ourselves. As a consequence, when it comes to confidence we can do one of 2 things to change how we feel
- Change the way we thing
- Change the way we behave
The fastest way to change what we feel when it comes to confidence is to do it, get that feedback that we are capable . Changing your thoughts will work, but may be not as quickly.
And we know that this statement is true as we look at neuroscience. They have shown that as people hold themselves more confidently, the body interprets this change in position as confidence, and the emotions follow suit. If you choose to hold your head up and your shoulders down, your feedback systems causes you to feel confident.
As you choose to smile, you body interprets this behaviour as well and increases your confidence. This was shown in an experiment where they got people to put a pencil in their mouths. This naturally caused the corner of the lips to go up. A forced smile. When they were shown controlled stimuli they reacted significantly more positively when they had the pencil in their mouth as opposed to when they didn’t.
Make confidence a habit
Contrary to what others might think, no one is born with supreme self-confidence. It has to be learned. And it CAN be learned.
So consciously work on changing your habits. Take actions you need to take, change negative self-talk to realistic and more positive talk, and actively adopt the attitude of what you define as a successful person.
Confidence is not only for the lucky few who “succeed”. Anyone can have it. All you have to do is make it a habit.
- Choose to stand tall.
- Chose to smile
- Choose your style
- Choose to do the things you haven’t finished or are scared of.
Music has an amazing effect. It can illicit an emotion as we link memories but it also goes deeper. Research around binaural beats has discovered that the frequency of the pulse in the music can change your mood.
Tribal warriors don’t just bang those drums for no reason. Just as sad music in minor keys can help us process feelings when life deals blows like relationship breakups, so can energizing music or inspiring music actually raise our confidence level to the point where we take action.
One of the simplest tricks for helping yourself to both take action and feel more confident is to take advantage of this. Create your own inspiring musical playlist, and play it whenever appropriate. Before you have to make a call you don’t want to, or before you speak to a client. Athletes know this secret and use music all the time, while training at the gym.
Choose your own favourite “theme song”. It will automatically boost your confidence whenever you hear it. Currently mine is still “Happy” from Despicable Me
Dress for success
This doesn’t mean your put on that formal business suit. It does mean dressing in a way that boosts your self-confidence and makes you feel good about yourself.
Don’t try to copy your ideal client or niche influencer unless that’s a look you totally relate to. It’s more important to dress in a way that makes you feel you have already achieved your top goal. If you see yourself with gypsy-style earrings and East Indian cotton skirts in many colours and layers, go for it. If you see yourself as edgy and trendy, go for it. If you see yourself in tweeds and Arran sweaters, wear them! And take note of how it makes you feel, when you dress for success.
After all, its why I have my dreadlocks.
Change your hairstyle. Buy those shoes you’ve been wistfully drooling over. Don’t worry about what other people think. Wear what makes you feel successful and confident. You will attract your ideal client.
Adopt a mantra
In the 1999 movie, “Galaxy Quest”, an entire civilization bases its core values on a cheesy TV sci-fi show from Earth. They take the series hero’s glib motto, “Never give up; never surrender” to new heights. They achieve peace within a warring society before teaming up with earthmen to defeat a super villain.
This is what happens when you adopt a mantra, motto or slogan—and live by it.
“Never give up; never surrender” is a great motto, when you are trying to build new habits that increase your confidence.
Do the Hard Stuff First
Want to know a quick way to boost your confidence? Start with the hardest task or action you have to take, that day. Get it out of the way before you even look at the rest of your “To Do” list.
Getting it out of the way can jolt you out of even the most minor paralysis, depression or exhaustion. Getting it out the way will not only increase your confidence level, but energize you too. That way, you’ll have lots of inspiration for the rest of your day!
Indulge in Confidence-Building Activities
Are there areas in your life where confidence is a chronic struggle? If so, invest in confidence-building activities around that particular area to counteract your fear, negativity or bad memories.
For example, if you won’t run a webinar or be a guest-speaker because you feel hopelessly inadequate as a speaker, join your local chapter of Toastmasters, and learn to give mini-speeches regularly in a supportive, non-threatening environment. If you’re afraid of coaching in person one-on-ones, hold an afternoon event for a small group. Get to know your clients (and new ones) in person. If you secretly feel insecure because you’re thirty pounds overweight, go to a weight loss group and talk with others like yourself.
Sometimes realizing that others have the same fears—and being inspired by what they do to counteract these—can build your confidence and empower you too.
As we’ve talked all this month, the key with this is simply to take action. You deserve it to yourself and to the people you love to be the best confident version of yourself
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Take care and chat soon